By Sparkian Meenakshi Raina
Contributing Author for Spark Igniting Minds
The other day, I was just working on my laptop at around 11 pm when I heard a man scolding his wife in front of my apartment and within no time he dragged her out of their home and started beating her ruthlessly. I wanted to come out to protect that poor lady but the man was drunk so I restricted myself but surprisingly not even a single person in my neighborhood dared to rescue her. After witnessing this ferocious incident, I couldn’t sleep all throughout the night because of the following questions in my mind-
Why don’t people realize the damage they inflict upon someone’s existence by demeaning their personality?
What if someone treats them the way they treat their prospective victims?
Why don’t parents pay attention right from the beginning if they notice any irrational behavior in their children?
Why don’t school authorities come forward to counsel the pupil with unreasonable behavior?
What if couples be given the right parenting education before they enter into parenthood?
What would be the future of children who witness violence in their respective families?
Why is the government not making it mandatory to counsel couples/parents, who seek divorce because of domestic violence or any other reasons?
Does the irrational behavior of people have any connection with their past births?
Can spirituality be of any help in healing people's aggression and irrationality?
Well, I think the above questions are enough to ponder upon the intricacies of this grueling issue i.e. The Irrational Behavior. Additionally, these questions might have given you an idea that people with absurd behavior are unaware of their weirdness, which can be cured with the help of their families and loved ones. What I am trying to say here is the constant or repeated irrational behavior of people.
As a human being, sometimes we may lose our tempo because of some unavoidable and unacceptable situations around us but that doesn't mean to step on to someone's feelings and crush down their self-esteem. But if we carefully analyze any such incident where a person is abusing and intimidating another person, we would realize that the culprit is undergoing much more pain as compared to the pain of the victim. Now to interpret this, I would like to inscribe the story of Gauri for better understanding-
"Gauri is a benevolent and compassionate persona, who believes in helping and serving humanity. She says that her elder brother's awkward behaviour has helped her immensely in understanding the human emotions and behaviour.
She further adds that her elder brother, Rocky, had a behavior of lying for no reason, fights on petty issues, intimidating and controlling people, right from his early childhood. As per Gauri, she started reflecting on the irrational behavior of her brother, when she even didn't knew about contemplation. She says that initially, her parents ignored Rocky's unjustifiable behavior and later, despite of their countless efforts, they significantly failed in developing moral values and healthy behaviour in him, as a result of which, he became troublesome and jeopardy to the entire family and to the society as whole.
Now coming back to our topic, who do you think is responsible for Rocky’s unjustifiable behavior? Of course, your answer would be "parents" and which seems true. But here the question is-
Were Gauri's parents eligible for parenting role?
Did they knew about ideal parenting?
Were Gauri's parents aware of the fact that Rocky's behavior need to be cured?
Last but not least, if parents were responsible for Rocky’s irrationality then why can't Gauri became like him?
From the above facts, it is clearly understood that before standing someone responsible for something, we must pay attention to check their pre-requisite eligibility for the given role. Yes, friends, parenting is a role to be played judiciously and sensibly by both the parents. Giving birth to children is not what makes you a parent rather instilling the moral values and making them beneficial to the society is what makes the difference. To the best of my knowledge, I am enlisting some of the qualities of ideal parenting–
Parents must spare their time to play and to have healthy discussions with their kids, right from their early childhood to develop a friendly bonding with them.
They must patiently listen to them and try to understand the depth of their thoughts.
They should never compare their children with other children. Every child is unique and has got some exclusive features which must be accepted and appreciated by parents.
Parents must appreciate their children for all the good things they do.
They must have a keen watch on the behavior and performance of their children.
They must be aware of their children’s friend circle and should keep in touch with their families.
They must pay attention if they notice any illogical or irrational behavior of their children and immediately try to get it resolved.
They must immediately seek guidance if they fail in resolving it.
Parents must treat each other respectfully, especially, when their children are around.
Parents should neither condemn or say ill against anyone nor against each other in front of their children.
Specific study hours should be fixed by parents for their children to get more productivity from them instead of making them study all throughout the day.
In their spare time, parents must engage their children in some creative work instead of recommending them electronic gadgets or any such electronic stuff.
Parents must not force their will on their children instead they should accept and support their children’s decisions so far if it is not objectionable or harmful to anyone.
Because of their tender age, ignorance or negligence, sometimes mistakes may happen through children but instead of scolding or blaming them; parents should come forward and focus on solutions. Parents should calm down their anger and anxiety to have healthy discussions with their kids in order to know the root cause behind their mistakes. This way parents can make sure that their children won't hide anything from them and also this will reduce the possibility of mistakes in them.
Parents must explore and imbibe the roots of spirituality in their consciousness to pass it on to their children.
Last but not least, parents must practice what they preach because live example works more effectively as compared to preaching.
Apart from the parenting role, there are some other aspects which play a significant role in shaping the overall personality of an individual-
Past Birth:- In some exceptional cases, like in the story of Gauri and Rocky above, it is seen that one child out of two-three siblings is carrying some immoralities and atrocities in his/her behavior then parents need to understand one significant fact that the said child (soul) is carrying some strong impressions from their past birth. Yes, the logic ends where spirituality begins. We all know that we all are souls so there is nothing to get astonished upon this predominant factor. Some habits get deeply enrooted in our subconscious mind and they become a permanent groove on our consciousness, which gets traveled with us when we leave our physical body. Hence, if you notice any specific illogical or irrational habit or behavior in your child instead of feeling annoyed, help them to get healed with your positivism and prayers. Also, seek the guidance of Reiki or Pranic Healers to heal their grooves permanently.
Schools:- Apart from parenting, schools also play a vital role in developing the personality of children so it becomes their responsibility to come forward and arrange to conduct the medical health check-up camps once in a year to ensure the psychological and physical well being of children. At-least, there should be one child counselor in each school and the counseling should be done regularly to affected children. Also, Spirituality should be made a mandatory subject in schools along with other existing subjects in order to build a stress-free and violence-free nation.
Social Circle:- The family-atmosphere, extending families, guardians, teachers, friend circle and the society also play an indispensable role in shaping a better or a bitter person. Therefore, parents should be very careful with the circle of their children.
Social Welfare Department:- Anganwadi workers can also play a vital role in the development of a better society. These workers should visit door-to-door to impart the parenting education to prospective parents and later should have a regular check on them.
Family Courts:- Unfortunately, some marriages won't work and because of which many children suffer a lot right from their early childhood because of the separation and bitterness of their parents. The government needs to take charge of this critical issue by implementing certain strict laws for the betterment of such children. The government must make it mandatory to appoint more and more counselors in matrimonial/family courts and assign them the job to fix the families with proper counseling. The counseling should be based on the preliminary grounds and the basic needs of their children like the emotional development, psychological well being and moral ethics to be imbibed by both the parents into the consciousness of their children. The Counselors should be directed to continue their counseling sessions until they get succeeded in making both the parents realize their role and responsibilities towards their children and also bringing harmony in their personal relationships. The counseling must be made mandatory for both the parents/couples so that they attend each and every session for better results and in case of violation, strict judiciary actions should be taken against them. For each success, the counselors should be rewarded with suitable awards/certificates, etc. to encourage their work and to perform it with utmost devotion. This practice might be followed in metropolitan cities but unfortunately, is missing in small cities as a result of which, the courts are witnessing enormous divorce cases every year.
Well, I think the maximum portion of this topic is being covered which directly or indirectly influences the personality of a person. However, I want to enlist the following conclusions as the overall abstract to this critical issue-
Never be judgmental without knowing the truth from all the aspects of the story. Sometimes, the projection is different from the reality.
If people devalue or demean you, never get affected because their behavior reflects their identity. In such cases, always remember that their behavior has nothing to do with you.
If you are being victimized by someone’s irrational behavior either resolve it at your own or seek someone’s guidance and in extreme case, better to leave but never get settle down.
Past birth habits (sanskaras) are predominant factors in shaping the personality of a person but at any given point, one can change them through one's strong will power and determination. Moreover, healing works better with the support of family members, counselors, healers and with spiritual consciousness.
Transformation is an individual choice, hence, until and unless, one wish to change, nobody can help.
One needs to be compassionate to irrational folks because they themselves are in pain.
Lastly, my humble request to the government of India and the judges across India, to kindly incorporate my above proposal in matrimonial / family courts to safeguard the future of countless innocent kids.
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The author is on a mission to spread peace and positivism in the world through her uplifting and inspiring Blogs and Quotes.
"God bless the Higher-Consciousness in all human beings" - is her prayer for a better world.
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About the Author
She is a Financial and Administrative Professional, Passionate Writer, Blogger, Epigrammatist, Co-Author, Reviewer, Spiritual Practitioner, and a Budding Philanthropist
She writes on different genre to bring a change in the world.
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Featured Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
I must admit that this is one of the great article on parenting and grooming of children.
The issues dealt in, reasoning given and the suggestions are very comprehensive.
I strongly recommend all the parents to read the article, introspect and take the benefi of it.
I highly appreciate your efforts to write thoughtful articles that help the masses Ms. Meenakshi Raina.
Best Regards for all your future endeavors.